Gray Has The Keys To Your Heart

Andy Gray isn't a pioneer for women's equal rights! Shocking news I know but just try and get your head around it because its true. Right well have you managed to get over your initial shock?

So Andy Gray, a former football player and I suppose now a former football pundit, commentator and a television presenter called Richard Keys were recorded saying sexist things about a female assistant referee during a broadcast on Sky sports at the weekend.

Gray and Keys did not realise that their microphones were left on as they made sexist jokes about the female assistant including "someone needs to go down there and teach her the offside rule" and then "Yeah I know can you believe that, a female linesman" and my favourite quote "ah the games gone mad".

The media have gone crazy with the story reporting it on both the front and back pages of their newspapers. The BBC website even has the news of Andy Gray being sacked from Sky ahead of a story about three people being killed in Egyptian protests and one about a UK soldier being killed in the Helmand province. This ultimately settling the age old debate on whether Britain's love football more than war. I had my money on War.

Anyway lets get back to the story and how everyone is so shocked and outraged by it all. There are a few things people need to remember about the people who made these comments. The first being that they are football pundits and therefore are not going to be winning any awards for Britain's most liberal man and the second is they are as thick as a big piece of shit that you have to strain out when you have eaten nothing but boiled eggs for a week and that urges you to look around into the toilet to check for blood.

I must say to be fair to the pair that they didn't say it on air they said it like a couple of bigoted cowards behind her back, so in a way they didn't actually want to offend her did they?See nice guys really.

See just another misunderstanding in the football world I think.

Funkywongapigbet.com

The other day I was looking at the adverts on the tube and I noticed something, they are shit.   There are a few reasons for this, the first being they are of no interest to me as one of them is for moonpig.com, which might just be the worst thing in the world next to the Iraq war or Andrew Lloyd Webber.

The second reason is the shear lack of imagination in every single advert. Let's take the moon pig advert as an example and analyse it for comic affect. It feels like the person who came up with the idea for the company thought "ooooh lets be all random and come up with a funny animal related greetings card website." You know how those kind of meetings go if you have ever been asked to "Brainstorm" oh sorry I mean "Mindmap" ideas. 

You, if you're like me have been sick by now hopefully over your boss's stupid little face. Anyway yeah... err... what was I saying? Oh that's it, companies like "Moonpig.com" or "Funkypigeon.com" are really fun and worthwhile and provide a valuable service for all idiots.       

The third thing is the people who make them think everyone is stupid. I saw an advert for a popular book makers with a guy holding money in his hand as if he has won big. Do they really expect us to think "Oh well he had won so I will win too!" it really is stupid - I spent loads of money in that fucking betting shop!

The Kids Are Not All Right

I am writing this on the tube on my iPhone and I know what you are thinking, "ooh look at him with his flash phone!" and you are right but that's not important right now. (since writing this I have had my Iphone taken from me in a knife related incident)

What is important is the 5 or 6 year old girl who is eating a mcdonalds double cheese burger in front of me. I don't mean to be harsh but let's just say she is fat. She isn't huge enough not to fit on the chair but something is wrong here as she spits out the Gherkin presumably because it's a "vegetable".

This is nothing new as we know Britain's kids are getting fatter, this girl has just moved on to her second burger and we haven't even got to Kings Cross yet from Finsbury park on the Victoria line!

At Kings Cross now where she is tucking in to her chips. This is all happening while the mother is sitting next to her with a blank expression on her face as if her quickly Expanding daughter is nothing to be concerned about.

Leaving Kings Cross now and she has finished the chips. Oh what's that ..... Oh yes it's chicken nuggets. This girl really can put it away. Nearly at Euston and I have to get off soon.

Off the tube now and wondering how much more she ate. Maybe more chips or even an apple pie but I guess I'll never know.