Take Me Out

You remember that feeling when you were trying to desperately fall in love with someone by taking them out on "Dates", buying them things that you think will make you seem more attractive to them? No? Oh don't worry about it then ...

Seriously though the days of going on dates seem to be dead as now we can all find love on our old mate Television!

Take Me Out is a relitively new show where some slightly bedraggled, moronic, plain Jane women judge an equally irritating little prick who gyrates in front of them in order to catch their eye in a display not too dissimilar to a giant wanking peacock with learning difficulties.

Anyway the format of the show works like this: a guy is introduced to the "ladies" and after answering questions from the host and showing some videos of the guy(usually being "wacky" or "crazy"), the women decide whether they like him or not by leaving their light on or turning it off and so creating one of the best catchphrases of all time "no likey, no lighty!"

If by the end of all the humiliating gyrating and cocking about there are still any desperate women with their lights left on the guy gets to chose which one of the beautiful chavs he wants to take out on a date.

The worst thing about this show isn't its shit format or the 2 dimensional idiots they have on the show but the host. Paddy Mcguiness reels off pun after cliche after cringe infested link to camera. He seems to have as much genuine whit and character as a 3 month old used sanitary towel.

The only way this show could be any worse is if it somehow managed to spawn a spin off hosted by Catherine Tate, where former contestants come back and haunt the audience with stories of how they got married and then give a detailed description of how really happy and amazing their lives were until the day he left because he realised that she was devoid of any kind of personality or intelligence.

That actually sounds like a show I would watch, its such a shame I just made it up.

Was He a Good Guy?

Yes he tried to blow up the houses of parliament but would it have been a good thing and by celebrating his death are we doing the right thing? Also do we actually celebrate his death or has this day become like Christmas and just a money making commercial rip off with shit fireworks?

I have started with a lot of questions in this blog and to be honest I would be surprised if I managed to answer any let alone all of them.

So I start the only way I can and that is with my personal opinion about this subject. This however is harder than I thought it would be, being that I actually have very little knowledge of these events. Now I know what you are thinking this is most out of the ordinary for one of my blogs and I agree, I usually am in possession of all of the salient pieces of information but this time I'm gonna wing it!

As I understand guy fawks was a bit of a bin laden of his time and thought "I don't like those politicians so I'm gonna blow them up". This is where my facts run out.

I have found out since typing the first half of this essay, and it is an essay, that Fawkes wanted to kill the king for religious reasons.

Now I was annoyed when I discovered this as I was thinking he was a guy who wanted to show something to the world and change it for the better, where as in reality him and his mates on parliament hill just wanted a guy, or more accurately a girl and even more accurately the kings daughter, who followed their deluded religious beliefs, in the hot seat.

As we all know he and his gang did't succeed in their mission. The punishment I feel was harsh even taking into account that they tried to kill the king.

Anyway I'm getting ahead of myself. Guy was captured and tortured until he gave up the names of his accomplices, which he did after days of unimaginable pain. The sentence they were handed was death after being found guilty of high treason.

However the king was pissed and decided to not only kill them but quite literally cut their genitals off and burn them in front of their eyes, followed by a spot of hang draw and quartering, followed by bowel removal and ending in making them watch an entire series of the Catherine Tate show. One of these punishments is made up.

Guy Fawkes didn't fancy any of the above so took a dive off the top of the hanging gallery and broke his neck.

The king was a little annoyed by this and decided to still inflict the punishment on Guy even though he was actually dead and would no longer be bothered by it.

Well now for the conclusion... Guy Fawkes was a bit naughty trying to kill the king but cutting a guys nuts off and making him watch them burn? Seems harsh.