Gillingham to Southampton Via Sheppey and Sheppey and Sheppey and Sheppey

This has to go down as Tit of the week.

"A lost sailor has had to be rescued after running out of fuel circling a small island when he thought he was sailing around the UK coast."(BBC news)

The man set off from the beautiful picturesque marina of Gillingham Kent heading for Southampton. As anyone attempting what was going to be their maiden voyage you assume he would have taken the necessary equipment in order to navigate his way to Southampton. You know the usual Marine Charts that would easily guide you on your journey? No? Well neither did he. He chose not to bother with such things, he thought you know what's better than a Marine chart? I think ill take a road map. Yeah that'll get me there.

So off he set with his road map and oh wait no life vest? No of course not. That's just unnecessary isn't it really? Its just for those squares who worry all the time about being safe and actually making it to where you want to go, Fuck all that.

Now well on his way to Southampton fully equipped with everything he needs including a Road map so he can find his way and the genius navigational plan of "keeping the coast to his right" he starts to wonder why the journey is taking so long and why he is nearly out of fuel because he later reveals "he could do the whole journey by car in less than one tank"

He thinks nothing of this and sticks to his plan. Remember the plan? yes that's it keep the coast to the right nothing can go wrong with such a well thought out plan can it?

Yes lots can go wrong. The brave sailor end up not making his way around the south east coast of England, past Whitstable, Herne bay, Margate, Ramsgate, Deal, Dover, Folkstone, Hythe, New Romney, Hastings,

Eastbourne, The Beautiful Brighton, Worthing and so on but endlessly circling the small isle of Sheppey sticking courageously to the plan of keeping the coast on his right.

When found by Neville Crane, of the Isle of sheppey HM coastguard rescue team, the man told him he had owned the boat for less than a day and he was very surprised that its fuel consumption was greater than his car.

Good old Neville Crane said "He was very short on expertise, even shorter on safety equipment and had no navigational equipment whatsoever on board."

Now I think Neville is being a little harsh here because he defiantly had at least two navigational tools. Remember? Yes of course, the oh so trusty road map and the plan to keep the coast to his right.

Our mate Nev did give the man some good advice however and I too agree with his advice and would also give this to anyone upon hearing them tell me they are going to try and sail to Southampton from Gillingham in a boat they bought this morning after having no experience in sailing and using a road map and the plan of keeping the coast to their right.

His advice, simple, accurate and just down right good "he'd be better off making the journey by train."

N-Dubz We Trust

Now if you are unaware and i hope you are, of N-Dubz this is how their own website sums them up:

"You’ve heard of us, even if you don’t know it yet. Remember that boy driving you mad every morning on the No.42? The one playing music on his mobile at full volume? He’s listening to our music. So is his sister, his best mate, his best mate’s older brother, and his teacher.

Throughout our career we’ve strived to become masters of melody, kings of the chorus and rulers of the adlib. Simply put, we balance straight-up pop smashes with a street smart style, and our music’s for everyone.

“We make songs for your mum, your dad and your nan”

Three years ago we were practically unknown but through hard work and perseverance we’ve cultivated a wide and loyal fan-base and now all across the country people know us by our signature catchphrases of “Na-na-nii”, “Ha ha, ha ha” and “It’s N-Dubz (N-Dubz) What!”

As well as our love of eye-catching head wear, it feels like it’s our time now, and our growing fan base seems hungry to hear more. We know it’s rare to come across a group you totally believe in and there are a lot of good acts in the UK, but great ones? No so many, but we definitely aim to change that! "

Ah see you remember them now. They're the reason you were annoyed on the No42 bus and wanted to punch the little prick in the face and stamp on his mobile phone but you didn't and do you know why you didn't? because you are not "street" like him.

Yes its a hard pill to swallow i know but not all of us can be street. Its true some have the ability to get a job, buy a car even have children but only a select few have what it takes to be street.

Another thing i find interesting about N-Dubz (maybe interesting is the wrong word) is their catchphrases which include “Na-na-nii” and “Ha ha, ha ha”

Now, a few things to point out here “Na-na-nii” is a shit catchphrase but ill let them have it but “Ha ha, ha ha” isn't so much a catchphrase but just laughing.

I don't know about your Mum, Dad and Nan but mine don't listen to N-Dubz and I think I would be safe to assume that yours don't either.

I don't mean to get really picky but I'm going to. Another of their "catchphrases" is “It’s N-Dubz (N-Dubz) What!” A few points again the first being its just a shit catchphrase but then they used up all their creativity that day coming up with “Na-na-nii” so I can understand no ones perfect.

Point two is it a statement of fact or a question? Are they saying we are N-Dubz and what are you going to do about t? Or is it a statement that they have changed their name to N-Dubz, N-Dubz What!

Notice I have yet to even try and tackle their lyrics other than the so called catchphrases and this is because I cant even be bothered to listen to them.

Don't visit their Myspace http://www.myspace.com/ndubz

Or buy their album AGAINST ALL ODDS